Missing on A Summer's Day
Sometimes blissful summer magic is momentarily dampened by not having children for some of us. It can be a burst or a shadow that passes as rapidly as it came on. The sensation doesn't last long because you immediately are brought into the present by a breeze so delicious that it has no name. Or maybe a wave splashes over your bathing-suited body and suddenly the sticky heat blends with the refreshing wet in glorious relief. Sensations of summer can be luxurious for an instant and completely over take any other mood.
Happiness you will come to know, if you haven't already, is built entirely on being deeply grateful for what is. It is the simplest and the most complicated concept to embrace because in order to advance the theory, time after time we are forced by circumstances to accept a completely unexpected version of our life. We are often blessed, but not in the ways we wanted to be rewarded. This is the heart of the CNBC woman's challenge in every season. That thing for which we were built is denied us and therefore our journey wanders off the path we envisioned for ourselves.
I recently spoke with a 45-year-old firebrand of a professional woman who long ago put aside her dreams of becoming a mom. Married when she was 29, she tried to become pregnant within a reasonable amount of time. Like so many of us her body repeatedly decided to not cooperate easily, resulting in physically painful failures. We CNBC women understand how each medical situation is unique and we should know to respect the individual limits set on how long we want to be savaged by disappointments. For this gorgeously positive woman and her devoted husband, after several heartbreaks arrived at a point where they consented to a halt on trying. They agreed not talk about it for a while because it was dominating their existence and eventually realized that for them, it was over in a whisper of acceptance as time quietly passed by.
In this case, the wanna-be-mom had a twin. "When I look at my niece I see a child who very closely resembles what my own daughter would look like," she demurred. "I am very close to my nieces and nephews." Ultimately, this couple chose to stop before investing in IVF and while she appears to have completely resolved giving up on being a mom, she still can admit that there remains a wistfulness and a tad of insecurity about what might have happened had they pursued more advanced treatments. This dream dies a hard death for most of us. "I have a family friend whose infertility journey ended successfully and she has kids. But she's not in love with her husband! I adore my husband and we have a great life. We're able to take awesome vacations together and I can spend lots of time with my family."
Revisit that scene on the beach, decorated with the giggles shared by children digging in the sand. Watch a father take a toddler out into inches of water by the hand. If you missed this in your own life, but have a solid relationship with your mate, perhaps you have enough? Can you find a meandering alley towards joy and brush aside the intermittent flashes of emptiness? I believe so. "You were born with the right to be happy. You were born with the right to love, to enjoy, and to share you love. You are alive, so take your life and enjoy it." (From the Four Agreements)